How to Dump Your Boss

The step-by-step guide from a low-tech girl –

  1. Call your girlfriend the night before and run through your break-up speech while simultaneously venting about your situation even though you’ve already talked her ear off over the last three (or 10) months about the subject.
  2. Grab lunch with your other girlfriend right before the big moment to pump you up and make sure you don’t give in and change your mind halfway through the break-up speech.
  3. Take a walk with your boss instead of meeting in a conference room since the weather is nice and being outdoors provides you with more opportunities to run if it doesn’t go well.
  4. Attempt to open with the break-up speech but then chicken out and ask about your boss’s recent vacation.
  5. Drop the bomb halfway through the conversation as ineloquently as possible since you’ve already ditched the script, you might as well rip the band-aid right off.
  6. Drop a few more bombs about the imminent sh*t storms you were supposed to prevent from happening while said boss was away on vacation.
  7. Watch the level of confusion and disappointment rise with each bomb dropped especially since boss thought things were going so well.
  8. Attempt to recover by using the classic “It’s not you, it’s me” speech while awkwardly trying to phrase it so the focus is more on the fact that you have big (and maybe crazy) dreams of working in Entertainment and less on the fact that you need out.*

    • *And here you thought I was talking about how to break up with a boss you’ve dated. Lbr, the only steady relationship I’ve ever had is with me, myself and this plate of spaghetti I’ve seemed to be making every day this week.
  9. Walk back to your cubicles and exhale. You did it. You officially dumped your boss. You did what’s best for you and not what’s best for your boss, your team, or your conservative parents that always say a full-time job with steady pay is the most important thing in the world.

Now all you have to do is get through the rest of your temp contract without burning any bridges and make sure you have some sort of game plan if your contract ends before Tinsel Town calls you with a job offer. Because going to that Good-bye office party without a game plan is just an awkward moment waiting to happen.

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One response to “How to Dump Your Boss

  1. Hahaha “being outdoors provides you with more opportunities to run.” Good thinking!

    P.S. YAY you’re blogging again!!!

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